Prayer and Children
January 31, 2010
The How and Why of Children and Prayer
Yes, children suffer. Sometimes silently, sometimes loudly. Children suffer over seemingly small things liketeasing or receiving a poor grade in school or a friend moving away. Children also suffer because of fear, loss & grief, abandonment, attachment trauma, medical illness and abuse.
Whatever the extent of the suffering, small, temporary, pervasive, prayer can bring a sense of calm, peace and unconditional love. Teaching our children to pray for gratitude and for help for the small and for the large experiences in their day teaches them to invite the Holy Trinity into their life.
God the Father, Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit are always present and active in our children’s lives. Prayer will help our children become more aware of The Holy Trinity’s presence so that they will always know they are not alone.
They know they do not have to suffer alone. They have a power greater than themselves, greater than their parents (!), to always listen, comfort, love and guide.
Here is a simple prayer to the Holy Trinity your children can memorize and stay “tapped in” throughout their day.
Trinity Prayer
Love of Jesus Fill us.
Holy Spirit Guide us.
Will of the Father be done.
Amen
Patti M. Zordich, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist and Founder/Director of Triangle Psychological Services, PLLC in Cary, NC. She specializes in child, adult, marriage and family therapy.
Patti M. Zordich, Ph.D. www.trypsych.com 919.342.3458 Be a fan of our TPS fanpage on facebook
Spiritual Parenting Part II
January 26, 2010
“Don’t worry; you don’t get them this size…”
We will begin this journey in the wonderful world of infants. This is tricky. They give you tons of input but are often not clear with their demands. Yes, I said demands. They are totally dependent and have little to offer. But they are absolutely a gift from God. God has given you a gift and a responsibility.
I remember my wife and I were hanging out with a couple and their elementary-aged daughters at a Special Olympics event. This was before we had children. The girls were cheering enthusiastically like typical latency-aged kids. My wife, despite her experience caring for a variety of children, became visibly overwhelmed by something during the event. The mother of the two girls asked her what was wrong and my wife stated, “I don’t know if I can have children…” My wife was overwhelmed by the thought of parenting children similar to the two before her. Our friend Marcia responded, “Don’t worry…you don’t get them this size.” How profound. With the exception of adopting older children, you generally begin with infants and God prepares you to grow into them.
Infants are dependent and attempting to figure out if the world is a trustworthy and safe. This is where the parenting begins, literally, spirit interacting with spirit and Spirit interacting with Spirit. The Bible speaks of how God pours out His love into our hearts through His Spirit. The same happens with an infant and their caregiver. Researchers call this “attachment theory”, which describes attachment as the strong emotional bond developed between the infant and the caregiver who provides emotional security. There are debates regarding the specific mechanism of this process, but God has it figured out.
As mentioned before, a strong spiritual regimen on the part of the parent allows them to be as supportive as possible in a child’s early stages. Healthy social and emotional development during this time is dependent largely on the parent’s attunement to the child aided by their own spiritual focus. Vivid memories of praying to prevent toppling into my infants’ crib from fatigue of sleepless nights, praying to recognize my wife’s need to be relieved and our need to pray together are also with me. As a matter of fact, who my children are today owes a lot to prayer. This is a special time of growth for a parent and their infant. Just understanding the miracle God has performed in creating life is a spiritual event in itself. Meeting the needs of our infant, and each other, can help us understand the place we have as offspring of God and the care and patience He must have to parent us.
This stage of spiritual relationship between parent and child is intuitive. Parents will respond to needs by feeding, changing, rocking and sharing smiles. These are also amazing times to pray and share spiritual songs with your child; your voice reassures and comforts them. Rituals involving touch are an important source of nurturing for our infants. Research tells us that babies thrive when they are involved in responsive and consistent relationships with caregivers. Bronfenbrenner, 1976 states that babies and young children thrive when cared for by adults that are “crazy about them!” Spiritual relationships provide strong and healthy social, emotional developmental foundations in infants and toddlers.
In the next installment of this Spiritual Parenting series, we will discuss how you can spiritually parent toddlers and preschoolers. You will begin to see how building and expanding your spiritual foundation increases more and more as you grow along with your children.
Deric Boston, MSW, LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with Triangle Psychological Services in Cary, NC, www.trypsych.com, 919.342.3458. He provides psychotherapy with children and families specializing in issues of attachment and social/emotional issues. Deric and his wife Glenna are the proud parents of an elementary aged daughter and a preschool son and attend Triangle Church in Chapel Hill, NC. Within their church, they have worked with various ministries including youth, singles and young marrieds for 17+ years.
Spiritual Parenting: An Introduction
January 18, 2010
The secret to Spiritual Parenting is found in the “Spiritual Book,” the Bible. Okay, that is really not a secret. But it is easy to forget. When we do forget, we en up relying more on pop culture and instant remedy as a means to raise our children than solid Godly insight and wisdom. We have programs that promise “Total Transformation,” “Super Nanny-isms” and “Secret Potions” in an effort to control our children’s behavior. But we miss the call to raise spiritual children. I once heard Camp the Swamp Director Sonny Sessions state, “you get what you expect.” In my experience, this is true. So we must continually raise our expectations in order to raise spiritual children.
Spiritual parenting begins with parents who are willing to examine and work on their own spirituality in order to live righteously. That means being in a “right” relationship with God and other things in your life to keep them appropriately prioritized. The Bible teaches that one should make every effort to stay in step with the Spirit which helps us to discern what is right with God along with His Word. We are called to be Christ-like in this world. Mother Teresa suggested that we need to see the face of Christ in everyone we meet. This includes our children.
In order to do this we must develop an awareness and knowledge of biblical teachings regarding a relationship with God and others, and what Christ teaches us about love. We must use the resources we have – beginning with the Bible, spiritual teachings and counsel of people capable of building up our spirits. We must also remember, that following the Bible and loving as Christ teaches us to love is sometimes painful and difficult. Difficulties did not stop Christ, the disciples, or the saints. While trying to help others with their spiritual needs, including your children, it is paramount that you strive to build your foundation as much as possible. If there’s an emergency while you’re flying in an airplane, you need to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help others. One of the areas in which we must be sure to have a great foundation is our marriages. For some great tips see Maureen O’Connell’s article on marriage at www.trypsych.com.
Growing your own and your marriage’s spiritual life will provide the strength & support you need to raise spiritual children and to make use of the 5 steps to spiritual parenting that we will cover in the upcoming installments of “Spiritual Parenting”.
Deric Boston, MSW, LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with Triangle Psychological Services in Cary, NC, www.trypsych.com, 919.342.3458. He provides psychotherapy with children and families specializing in issues of attachment and social/emotional issues. Deric and his wife Glenna are the proud parents of an elementary aged daughter and a preschool son and attend Triangle Church in Chapel Hill, NC. Within their church, they have worked with various ministries including youth, singles and young marrieds for 17+ years.
Making Marriage a Priority (Part 3 of 3)
January 12, 2010
Practical Tips for Making Marriage a Priority
In this third and final article I offer practical suggestions related to the 3 priorities I’ve proposed: God, spouse, children. My primary focus in this article will be ways to make marriage one of your top priorities.
Examine Your Heart
I propose you start by examining your heart and attitude to see where these three priorities fit for you. Do you desire to have these three things be most important in your life? Even if they are not currently your top three priorities, they could be if you desire them to be. Below are some practical suggestions for continuing or beginning to order your life in this way.
Marriage Maintenance
In your wedding vows, you and your spouse promised to cherish each other. Cherishing each other did not stop with the honeymoon! Cherishing each other is realized in small and big ways everyday. In striving to cherish your spouse and make them a high priority, I encourage couples to commit to “marriage maintenance.” Couples who practice marriage put at least as much enthusiasm, time, and energy and into maintaining their marriages as they do their house and car! Below are some examples of how you can maintain your marriage:
- Pray for your spouse daily
- Practice fulfilling your spouse’s love language daily (for more info checkout The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman)
- Learn rules for “fighting fair” and communication skills
- Schedule regular date nights
- Attend a marriage enrichment evening or weekend for couples
- Consider seeking professional help during difficult phases (your marriage does not need to be on the brink of divorce to seek outside help!)
Examine Your Schedule
One way to examine your priorities is to take a close look at your daily and weekly schedule. Are you overly involved in things that distract you from putting your husband and children’s needs’ first? Look at all the things that take you out of your home and away from your family. Is there anything you can cut to make sure date nights and time with your children are happening? Once those top priorities have been met, other outside activities can be added. Be careful not to over-commit to volunteer activities that end up getting in the way of any quality family time!
Maureen O’Connell, LPC is a graduate of the Institute for Psychological Sciences in Arlington, VA and is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Triangle Psychological Services in Cary, NC. Maureen and her husband Patrick have three young sons and are parishioners at Our Lady of Lourdes Church in Raleigh. Together they speak at churches around the Diocese on the topics of marriage enrichment and Natural Family Planning.
Triangle Psychological Services www.trypsych.com 919-380.1000 Cary, NC
Making Marriage a Priority (Part 2 of 3)
January 4, 2010
In my previous article, I asked readers this question: “What are the 3 top priorities in your life?” I proposed the following three priorities in this order: God, Spouse, Children. As promised in my previous article, I will now explain why I propose these three things in this particular order!
Why is God first?
Christians believe that our purpose in life is to love God and to be with Him in heaven for all eternity. Jesus told us that the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, with all your soul, and all your mind (Matthew 22). If we are to do this, our relationship with God has to be the most important thing in our life. When God is first and we strive to have a relationship with God and make decisions consistent with our faith and the Gospel, there is peace in our lives and everything else is ordered around this commitment.
Why is spouse second?
If you are married, you have vowed to love, honor, and cherish your spouse all the days of your life. To truly do this, we must make our spouse and their needs within marriage a top priority. In marriage, Christians are called to give of themselves daily, to focus on the other person’s needs by striving to live a marriage characterized by mutual service (Ephesians 5). Ideally, each spouse is committed to serving the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of the other. When this happens, an atmosphere of fulfillment, mutual respect, friendship, and spiritual growth is fostered within the marriage. This atmosphere then forms a solid foundation for family life and the tasks of parenting.
Why are children third?
I strongly believe that one of the best gifts we can give our children is the example and security of a strong marriage. It is by example that we teach our children what grown up love looks like, what it means to be husband and wife. When a marriage is strong, children flourish. Children feel a sense of security in their world when they see affection, friendship, and closeness in their parent’s marriage.
When we propose these priorities, many people say: this sounds great but my children are so needy and require so much of my time; how can they be prioritized after my spouse? Great question! It is very common for children to take time precedence over spouses. They often require more time and attention. However, time is not the only measuring stick for determining where your priorities are.
I realized that what I am proposing is not necessarily easy. But it is possible! And it brings much peace and joy to family life. Next week in my final article I will discuss how you can determine what your top priorities are as well as practical ways to order your life with God, spouse, and children first.
Maureen O’Connell, LPC is a graduate of the Institute for Psychological Sciences in Arlington, VA and is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Cary, NC. Maureen and her husband Patrick have threee young sons and are parishioners at Our Lady of Lourdes Church in Raleigh. Together they speak at churches around the Diocese on the topics of marriage enrichment and Natural Family Planning.