Staying Present & Aware: Two Essentials for Healthy Marriages
May 24, 2010
Adultery doesn’t just happen. Commitment to God, our marriage vows, our spouse and our family, keeping the 10 Commandments, and staying present and aware in all of our relationships will keep us off the adulterous road of destruction.
Here are some comments by Retired Rep. Mark Souder about his adultery provides us with clear guidelines to follow:
When asked what motivated him to commit adultery, Souder replied, “Obviously if I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn’t have done it,” Souder, R-Ind., told the Fort Wayne Journal Gazette.
Souder decided to resign immediately rather than put himself – and the woman involved, his staff and possibly others – through the process that would surely rack up steep legal bills.
1. Keep the health of your marriage # 2 in your list of priorities, just under your relationship with God. #3 is your family.
When we do this, our marriage will not move into the grey backdrop of our lives. When you are in relationship with others, especially with members of the opposite sex, we will be aware of our God, our marriage and our family. In this moment do you choose to stay commited to God, love your spouse, nuture your children’s well-being? Or, do you turn away from God, destroy your marriage, and bring your children’s world (no matter how old they are) crashing down around them?
“Tracy (the mistress) held her own with some of the smartest staff people in Washington,” he told the newspaper. “Our relationship developed because of this, not the other way around, as some have implied.”
2. Take responsibility for your actions and keep appropriate boundaries.
No matter how smart, beautiful, kind, athletic or creative, etc. (the list can go on for infinity!) you find this person of the opposite sex it doesn’t matter. This never makes it right or okay. We have to establish our boundaries and be aware of our emotions. ”To thine own self be true,” Shakespeare said. Be honest with yourself. Always. When you are aware you can take responsibility and right action.
“Why would somebody who’s almost 60 years old and been a congressman 16 years do something juvenile?” he asked himself. “Subconsciously, was I wanting to get caught? Or was God so frustrated with me he said, ‘I’ve had it. You’re so stupid here I’m going to, in effect, out you.’”
They became friends, Souder said. Then close friends. Then more.
3. Stay present and aware. There are clues before the fall.
If we are truly present in the small moments of our life, we will be aware of being out of sorts. We’ll be aware of troubling emotions or changes in the quality of our relationships. Something as big as adultery never happens without prior problems within our selves or our relationships.
An unhealthy self or unhealthy marriage effects everyone around us. Figure out what you need, pray, seek guidance, accept the help that is available. Don’t let destruction sneak up on you and those around you.
Stay present and aware and take action.