Building Stronger Families
January 19, 2012
Is your family a safe haven where children, mothers and fathers experience true acceptance, caring, openness for sharing joys and sorrows? When discord and tension arise, do the members of your family experience pardon, forgiveness and reconciliation? Is it, as Chesterton said, a place where you can truly be yourself, trusting, without a doubt, that you are loved no matter what?
John Paul II said that the family is responsible for revealing, communicating and guarding this type of love through each individual’s unique gifts, little by little, through solidarity.
Wow,” you might say, “this is impossible. It’s too good to be true.”
You’re correct . . .only if you think this requires big chunks of time for big activities; only if you think this requires planning, organizing, goals, charts, outings and time. Whew! This would be unrealistic if you have the average family’s responsibilities such as work, school, homework, meals, chores, sports, church activities, taking care of older parents, outreach, etc. In this case, I agree that JP II’s challenge is impossible.
HOWEVER, if you change your focus from the big picture to the small picture, creating a safe haven family is possible, and I’m going to show you how.
A safe haven family is created through spontaneous,simple, caring, thoughtful, loving interactions with one or more family members, one moment at a time.
Your days, no matter how busy, are filled with opportunities such as these. Opportunities that don’t require lots of time or money, planning or organizing, goal charts, big expectations to dash.
As you pass your child in the hall in the morning on your way to get your first cup of coffee, you say, “Good morning, Sweetie.” While stuck in stopped traffic you send a simple text message (i.e., FIMH, or ILU) to your wife. Sit in the same room in front of one screen with no earbuds and watch a television or a movie together.
One spontaneous, simple, caring, thoughtful, loving interactions such as these over time have a powerful impact on the recipient and you, as well as the family as a whole. This is how a safe haven family is born.
I know that it’s tricky to wrap one’s mind around this simple idea. There are only two requirements: willingness and the ability to be present in the moment. To learn how to be present in the moment, click here. Here’s the catch. Most Americans don’t know how to be present in the moment.
Once you learn how to be present in the moment, you’ll begin to notice opportunities occurring naturally right in front of you. No planning, no charts, no organizing. Just tiny moments.
Begin with one simple, caring, thoughtful, loving interaction with one or more family members, one spontaneous moment at a time. This is the way a stronger family is built.
Try it today. Be aware and the moment will occur right in front of you.
I’d love to hear about one of your moments. You can post it here as a comment, or, better yet, visit the new “noogie” community and share it with others. Noogie is a new community of families committed to building stronger families one moment at a time.